Thursday's Transactional Highlights

Some of the more notable moves.

The Dummy Hoyas, who ought to take ownership of explaining their catalogue of transactions dropped Dana Eveland and picked up perpetual prospect John Danks. Hoya management thought the Hoya clubhouse would be mature enough to handle having a guy named "Dana" on the roster. They weren't. Faced with the embarassment of a potential sexual harassment law suit, the Hoyas decided to cut their loses before the players shaved off all Eveland's pubes. Also from the Hoyas, Daniel Cabrera came and went. First for DH Billy Butler, then for 3B surprise Edwin Encarnacion.

The Bookie Mribblers dropped Joe Blanton who would be one of those under-the-radar fantasy gems if he played on a team worth a damn and got frenchman Eric Gagne.

Websters, The Lenny dropped 2007 postseason manna Brad Hawpe for 2B Orlando Hudson. This will be my litmus test of how patient one should be in this league.

The Sal Buteras seem to have lost SP John Smoltz. Replacing him may or may not be RP John Smoltz. John Smoltz, you might remember, spent a few seasons in the Atlanta 'pen when ace SP John Smoltz was on hiatus. It's a little like how Clark Kent and Superman are never seen in the same place. Congratulations, Sals, in advance if this happens. You probably just acquired a front line closer without making a deal. Lucky dog.

This Week In NECCO #4: Talkin Bout Sweet Seasons

As 9 of 10 guys are sick of seeing the same couple of teams leading off the weekly wrap*, we'll instead take a look at Period 4's biggest gainers and losers.

*The 10th guy shouldn't be too comfortable with it either, since who actually believes a team could go wire-to-wire in first place throughout an entire season?

Buckner's Boys! +16.5 points (5th overall)
Homer-rific week lifts BB's from cellar to mid-cellar. (Optimist: mid-penthouse. (Pervert: Mid-Hustler.))

The Lenny Websters -17.0 (10th)
Pitchers held their ground for the Websters this week, pretty much (-0.5). Quick math will testify to the unspeakable offensive performance.

The Sal Buteras +6.5 (3rd)
If the Buteras were a grocery store (and rumor has it they once were), the special of the week: sockeye. 12 HR, 42 RBI led league.

Le Fleur De Fragile -9.5 (9th) The thin line between fragile and limpwristed gets tested. 2 HR, 23 RBI trail league.

Mookie Dribblers +6.0 (2nd)
Like throwing noodle-arms at the wall, seeing what sticks: 12 games started, 4-5 record reflects performance.

The Dummy Hoyas -2.5 (8th)
Defying conventional logic, the Hoyas have more runs scored than 4 of the 9 teams above them in OBP.

last place robots +3.0 (6th)
Barring an uptick in innings pitched, the LPR are the only team on pace to forfeit their ratio categories in pitching.

Somerville Squires -2.5 (4th)
Top 3 in 5 of 6 hitting categories; bottom 4 in 4 of 6 pitching categories. It's a balanced team, in a way.

The Wookiee Squirts +2.0 (7th)
Looking at the week 4 stats of Mark DeRosa and Miguel Cabrera reminds me of the line about Moe Berg: "He can speak 17 languages and can't hit in any of them."

Medford Crackers -2.5 (1st)
No longer Mr. 100-Point Team, the Crackers still control 80% of the hitting and 83% of the pitching points available.

+/- (4/21-4/24)

The Dummy Hoyas
+John Danks, -Hunter Pence
+Joey Votto, -Mike Jacobs
+Hunter Pence, -Paul Konerko
+Jonathan O. Sanchez, -Francisco Liriano

Timing for Dummies:
Mike Jacobs -> Period 2 -> Free Agent -> .427/.826 (3 HR, 5 RBI)
Mike Jacobs -> Period 3 -> Free Agent -> .348/.682 (1 HR, 4 RBI)
Mike Jacobs -> Period 4 -> Dumb Hoy -> .222/.250 (0 HR, 0 RBI)

Needless to say, the rarely patient GM of the Hoyas jettisoned Jacobs for Joey. Alas, Votto, as a Free Agent last week, posted a .286/.857 (3 HR, 9 RBI) line. And this week to date he's posted a .417/.727 (1 HR, 2 RBI) line -- all of it prior to becoming a full-time Hoya. Let's see if Votto saved any of that patented Canadian sock for the Hoyas.

In other big Dummy news...Breaking...Francisco Liriano dropped. For Jonathan O. Sanchez. Developing...

Time to see who is Number 1 on Waiver Priority...Why...it's The Dummy Hoyas, who are in a good position in the next 24 hours should they have second thoughts...

The Wookie Squirts
+Mark DeRosa, -Gabe Kapler

While ex-Greenville Drive manager Gabe Kapler may have enjoyed a blazing first three weeks (.390/.737 -- 4 HR, 13 RBI), the Squirts got the following line from him: [insert big blank space]. Not willing to find out if Kapler's hot start will continue (hint: it won't), the Squirts give Mark "Supa" Rosa a roster slot. Here's a guy who is eligible at 2B, 3B, OF (and, of course, DH) and before the end of the year possibly at 1B, while posting a .391/.486 line to date. Nice.

The Mookie Dribblers
+Dioner Navarro, -Mike Napoli

The Dribblers originally drafted Deener and presumably enjoyed all 9 ABs (.333/.444) before Navarro's hand was stepped on. The Dribblers then settled on Plan Napoli, which consisted of 30 ABs and a .250/.433 line. Now back to the originally-scheduled catcher...

Medford Crackers
+Matt Garza, -Nate McClouth

Undoubtedly hearing word that Garza was soon to come off the DL after a bout of radial nerve irritation, the Crackers jumped up and ran to the nearest computer to pick him back up before anyone else snapped up that sweet sweet 9.00 ERA/.353 BAA/2.13 WHIP, 0-for-2 in QS pitching.

The Week In Review #3: A Century Of Progress

Having run the "_______ Scale" into the ground after 2 whole weeks, we move onward and upward. Introducing: the Who Performs Similar To Your Team Scale, aka It Really Looks Queer When Brendan Harris Has A Higher OPS Than Travis Hafner/Playing Like Richie Sexson Isn't Usually A Compliment But Take It Because It Means You're In First.

Medford Crackers
.875 OPS: Richie Sexson

Mookie Dribblers
.812 OPS:Jose Reyes

The Sal Buteras
.846 OPS: Garrett Atkins

Somerville Squires
.897 OPS: Hank Blalock

last place robots
.783 OPS: Carlos Lee

The Wookiee Squirts
.791 OPS: Edgar Renteria

The Dummy Hoyas
.725 OPS: Travis Hafner

The Lenny Websters
.819 OPS: Brendan Harris

Le Fleur De Fragile
.767 OPS: Mark Kotsay

Buckner's Boys!
.746 OPS: Corey Hart

Transaction Report: 4/20 Edition

Back to our irregularly scheduled program...

In it for the money, The Dummy Hoyas dropped: Jeremy Accardo, Troy Percival, Franklin Morales, Joe Saunders, Bobby "Bing" Crosby, Manny Parra, Jonathan Octavian Sanchez, Dana "Barrett" Eveland, Nate "LooseTooth" McLouth, Christian Guzman, Manny Parra (again!), Jeff Niemann, and Shaun Marcum.

Replacing 'em? How about: Joe Saunders, Dana Eveland, Bobby Crosby, Cliff "Spaceman" Lee, Jeff Niemann, Jonathan O. Sanchez, Shaun Marcum, Nate McLouth, Christian Guzman, Manny Parra, Scott Olsen, Mike Pelfrey, and Mike Jacobs.

The Hoyas are clearly the hardest working team in fantasy baseball on either side of the Mississippi. They are going to earn the fuck out of our pot.

Grade: The Chronic

Le Fleur de Fragile, alter ego to the plural of the english variety, dropped Joe Borowski. They didn't do anything else. No replacement.

Grade: English Breakfast mixed with some oregano

The Medford Crackers parted ways with Matt Garza, Chad Cordero, Scot Shields, and Eric Gagne. They're replacements, Chad Cordero, Nick Johnson, Eric Gagne and Nate McLouth. Not quite as incestuous as the Bastards but it's up there.

Grade: Acapulco Gold

Mookie Dribblers--who sound like a distant cousin of the Wookiee Squirts, come to think of it--replaced Eric Gagne, JJ Hardy, Kyle Lohse, Jose Contreras, Justin Speier, and Peter Moylan with Kyle Lohse, Jose Contreras, Justin Speier, Peter Moylan, Joe Blanton, and Manny Acosta. Gagne's been passed around a lot.

Grade: AK-47

Somerville Squires moved Ryan Doumit and Ubaldo Jimenez to take on Greg Smith and Ryan Dempster. Dempster might be a shrewd pick provided the Cubs offense continues to run on diesel.

Grade: Standard Issue

The Sal Buteras dropped Orlando Cabrera, Jeff Francis, and Milton Bradley for Jhonny Peralta, Joe Saunders, and Jason Kubel.

Grade: Standard Issue

Chronic slackers, The Wookiee Squirts dropped Carlos Quentin for Gabe "Welcome Back" Kapler.

Grade: Stems and Seeds

NECCO Meet-Up: Where the Dummies Meet the Hoy

Join us for the First Annual NECCO Meet-Up on June 1, 2008 from 12:30 - 3:30 PM at Coolidge Corner in Brookline, MA. Come for the discussion about William Ellsworth "Dummy" Hoy and stay for the pie.

Special Guest: NECCO's own Hoyologist, Dummy Harmon.

Everyone in attendance gets to keep three players for next season.

The Week In Review #2: The Life of Johnston

A wide range of performances in what is known as Period 2. Some Hall of Fame, some All-Star, a couple of question marks, and a guy who looks out of place: Introducing the Johnson Scale.

Medford Crackers
Johnson: Walter
Like an out of control Big Train, can't be stopped.

last place robots
Johnson: Ban
Laissez-faire leadership puts them near the top.

Somerville Squires
Johnson: Randy
Averaging 6.8 points/category. It's a stretch, but the Big Unit stands 6'11".

Mookie Dribblers
Johnson: Davey
"He dislikes the bunt and manages according to the credos of 'pitching and three-run homers' and 'play for one run, lose by one run.'"

The Sal Buteras Johnson: Howard
Minnie Minoso played with Randy Johnson for the 1980 Chicago White Sox; Randy Johnson played with Sal Butera for the 1982 Minnesota Twins. The other Randy Johnson.

Buckner's Boys!
Johnson: Charles
Pure coincidence that Russell Martin is BB catcher.

The Dummy Hoyas
Johnson: Lance
One Dog. Good for 1 point apiece in OBP/SLG.

La Fleur De Fragile
Johnson: Reed
Reed Johnson: averages HBP every 26 AB; La Fleur: 0 HBP in 377 AB.

The Lenny Websters
Johnson: Rankin
In 1914 Rankin Johnson faced Walter Johnson five times. Rankin won the first duel between them 5-0. They then split a pair of 1-0 games. Walter took a 12-0 game and then beat Rankin 1-0 again.

The Wookiee Squirts
Johnson Jansen: Kenley
In a different league. (One where he caught Clayton Kershaw!)